Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
