When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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