i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
