Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
