Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
