i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
my liver is dry heaving
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
