I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
