maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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