my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
