he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sorry about my life...
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
