At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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