so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
