Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
