I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
