While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
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