Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
