woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
