so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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