I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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