The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
