I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
