I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
