i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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