Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
