Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
