i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
he fucked my hip out of place.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have aggressive nipples.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
