i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
