Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
