Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
