got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
