Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
