you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
