Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
