i just wanna soil my oats bro
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
