There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
