My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
