SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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