so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
