The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
