The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
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