Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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