i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
