Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
