My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
