Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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