I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
