i think i have two assholes
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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