First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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