"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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