Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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