Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
