OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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